They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
