Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
