Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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