I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
