So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
