so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
