great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
