1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
