So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
