i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
