Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
