i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
