Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
