About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
