If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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