Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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