Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
