Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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