U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
