Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just pee around me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
