Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
