I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
