Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
