Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
