in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We just shotgunned beers for America
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
