I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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