Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
