my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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