you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
