I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
