no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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