well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
