he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
