I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
