I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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