What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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