Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
