also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
