i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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