so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
