Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
