I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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