i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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