"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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