i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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