i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
