i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
