Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
