Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
