That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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