I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
