I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
