So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
